Yesterday’s run went swimmingly smoothly and so it bloody well should have done. I have some worries, though.

My legs went through the week ok and it was a week I was intent on completing perfectly, what with there only being 2 proper training weeks before I “taper” – I didn’t want the taper to be from nothing to even less. The previous week had been a recovery from cold, so I needed a good one for confidence.

Unfotunately, that’s going out the window at the moment. Yesterday was greeted with a headache, tight chest which was intent on wanting to cough all the time even if I resisted, and a feeling of dull ache in both lower legs. I drank, ate, drank more and headed out the door hoping that if I could do 12 miles when setting out feeling rough, if I get to London feeling fine I should at least be able to double it.

The run was surprisingly ok. My nose kept running, I had little spring in my step and I soon needed a wee, but the first miles were workmanlike but fine. I stopped for the bladder break at mile 5 (apparently 45 seconds recorded on the Garmin) and went through all my jelly fruits at two mile marks, sipping Orbana as a test out as I went. And all the miles rolled out consistently enough. But I felt, around mile 9, that I had little more to give. The last miles were a push. I kept form, didn’t visibly struggle and stayed consistent but on the inside I was panicking that given twice and more the distance, I wouldn’t make it.

I reckon 90% of everything is mental and this is borne out by what I can and can’t/won’t jump on the pushbike, work performance, happiness at height, skydiving moves – in fact just about everything I can think of. So somehow, on next week’s 20 miler, i’ve got to get my head sorted. I know I adopt a different mindset for a huge run. Similar to a race. I’m just concerned that I won’t maintain the good mentality for over 3 hours and let myself go to pieces. I guess some of it is the fatigue and with a good taper, that should be gone. I guess some of it is pushing too hard, despite holding myself back to prevent injury (I was checking the Garmin every few hundred yards to make sure the pace hadn’t crept up but I find it impossible to run at my “recommended” long, slow run pace – it kills any desire to run at all and I can’t carry on). Hopefully some of it is still feeling i’ve got a cold inside.

The rest? I’m not sure.

Next week, i’ve got a new job. My first site is in Rye, East Sussex, so i’ve got to find some 5 mile routes for next week. Maybe a new job will kickstart me again in every discipline including running. Combined with a long weekend, hopefully i’ll have the chance to recover fully, do the 20 miles without drama, recover again and get set for a challenge of a race and do it well. If not, I think it’ll be time to panic and get stressed. I guess it’s taken so long to get this far (further than last year…a year ago, I tore my calf) I really don’t want to fuck it up so bad, i’m at risk of doing just that. However, with the removal of the “5 year guarantee” on gaining entry, I should be grateful i’m there this year and don’t have all i’m doing plus trying to raise thousands of pounds just to get to the startline.

Or maybe i’m over analysing things and I will be ok. I’ve not missed too much training, I don’t think, so surely I couldn’t be much better prepared?

Man, the unknown.

After this i’ve got 8 weeks before a 54 mile challenge on the BMX to contend with – am I going to find myself in a similar state for that?!

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