I found myself a few rungs off the bottom of the ladder of despair today, seemingly not having enough time to do anything despite everything I’m doing being what I both need and want to. Work is the need, Juneathon is the want. How daft the (or my, anyway!) brain is that when we’ve not the time to do what we want a natural progression makes us unhappy about how it works.
Simply not being able to get everything done at work is dreadful when a true deadline looms – finishing houses for people to move in to (4 weeks flies by when you’ve given notice they’ll be done, solicitors are pressing for paperwork and idiots seem to think damage repairs itself) isn’t my cup of hot fat, to be fair, but I’ve a couple of years doing just that on this site so best I get used to it.
But finding myself in despair at my social schedule is just daft. The rotation of get up earlier than I want, cycle for an hour, work for 10 hours, cycle for an hour, recover, cook, eat, wash up, water the greenhouse, blog, go to bed is slightly draining.
The cycle to work this morning was difficult. A steady headwind made each pedal stroke a chore in two gears lower than is typical. Hard work. Today was particularly unproductive and heavy rain just before I was due to leave (along with 25mph winds just up the coast) made my mind do a little dance of despair.
A slow ride through the town with both wheels locking each time I applied the brakes for cars in front reminded me how slippery slick tyres on wet roads are before the journey along the canal (an owl heading for home this morning was the highlight of my route) made me wonder why I’m continuing to cycle in.
But then I stopped on the hill by the vineyard (8.5 miles from work, 7 miles still to go; one hill done, two to complete. It seems a pleasant “half the effort of the journey complete” place to pause), started eating my apple while crouching down to stretch my thighs out and found some happiness.
I simply contemplated that I’m doing lots of effort to achieve something that is a true challenge and I’m not doing too badly at it. Finishing my apple I felt refreshed, invigorated and peaceful about the aches that are setting in. Getting home I cooked, ate, washed up and watered the greenhouse then decided enough grumbling about how tired I was already, so pulled on my running trainers and set off for a mile.
After I’d started I fancied much more than a mile, but am realistic that tomorrow sees another 30 miles target on the bike, so I came home as planned.
If I feel the same on Saturday, I may just plod for a decent-ish distance at slow speed and see how the contemplation works as I run some miles. A big if, but at least it’s there.
Over half way into June and not quite beaten yet. Close, but not quite.
Did someone say Friday?
803.99 miles to go.
31.02 Juneathon running miles.
354.26 Juneathon cycling miles.